


Saudade

by gutturalmess



Series: Deleted Scenes [5]
Category: CodotVerse, DC - Fandom, DCU
Genre: A non-explicit Deleted Scene, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 04:10:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17635769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gutturalmess/pseuds/gutturalmess
Summary: A minor plot fill after the events ofReckless Abandon; Susan had somewhere to be, after all. Just as Edward had not been expecting Susan, nor had she expected him.Directly follows this: https://thecodotverse.tumblr.com/post/182183090637/rogues-s01e15-reckless-abandon-transcript





	Saudade

Feeling drained yet rejuvenated, Susan continued on her way to visit their father upstairs. Eddie had looked so handsome, so sure of himself - whatever he was doing these days, it suited him just fine. There was no trace of that turbulent teenager she had once known, once loved more than herself; now there was a self-assured man draped in an ego that seemed bulletproof. Despite his first seeming like a stranger, she had been surprised to find that the love never went away because her Eddie had still been there, underneath: she had had to dig him out, but he was there. 

“Hi Laura,” Susan smiled at Laura on her way in to the ward, who grinned back at her.  
“Hi, Sue! How’re those precious babies of yours?”  
“Uh… fine, thanks,” Susan replied, taken aback by her enthusiasm.  
“Haven’t seen them for awhile,” Laura said, giving every indication of actually sounding sorry.  
“Well, you know - they don’t need to see their grandfather like this. I want them to remember him from better days.”  
“Oh, you’re so right.”  
Susan stared at her; Laura seemed lit with some light burning from within - her eyes were bright, smile fixed and yet completely natural. Laura was a favourite of her father’s, Susan knew. Such a lovely-looking woman; her looks appealed to her father, and her professionalism had always been what endeared her to Susan. Now, it seemed she had been given an injection of life that made her presence expand out to touch the walls.  
“What’s going on?” Susan asked, perplexed.  
“Nothing much,” Laura giggled, playing with her hair. “Your brother was here.”  
“Ah,” Susan said, smiling as she pushed her purse back onto her shoulder. “He’s quite something, isn’t he?”  
“He’s _wicked_ ,” Laura giggled again, lost in some private joke; Susan gave her an odd look.  
“Right. My Dad - is he alright?”  
“Oh yes,” Laura nodded. “He got a little too excited when Edward was here, but he’s been resting since he left.”  
“Okay. I’d better check on him.”  
Distracted, Laura rested one of her hands on her other wrist, staring down at it with a soft smile.  
“Laura?” Susan prompted.  
“Hm?” Laura looked up. “Oh! Yes, you can go right in.”  
Susan gave her one last puzzled look before she went into her father’s room. Lifting her hand, she tapped her index and middle knuckles against the door twice; Jack was lying on his side with his back to the door.  
“Daddy?” Susan said softly. “You awake?”  
“Yeah,” Jack grunted, not turning over; she sighed.  
“Eddie was here, wasn’t he.”  
Jack didn’t reply; Susan ventured into the room and sat down in her usual chair by the bed.  
“I saw him downstairs.”  
“Huh,” Jack huffed in reply.  
“He was looking good. Taking care of himself.”  
Jack didn’t reply. _Just like work_ , Susan thought. _Filling in conversational gaps. Might as well be asking him if he prefers over-easy or scrambled._  
“I got you a little something.” Again, no reply. “I’ll just set it here, beside the bed. You can look at it when I’m not here, and know that I’m thinking of you.”  
Nothing. Susan took the bear out of her purse, set it on the nightstand, and tweaked its ears with a smile. _I wonder what that man… Jon, was it? Jon, yeah. I wonder who he was buying that bear for. He had said he wasn’t there to visit anyone._ Laura chuckled to herself. _Maybe he was buying it for Eddie. But Eddie said they weren’t a thing, and he can’t lie to my face. Huh. He sure had nice eyes, though - such a cold blue, and what a voice. I could have listened to him all day._  
“Did you talk to Eddie, at all?”  
“Who?”  
“Eddie,” Susan said, losing patience. “Edward. My brother. That tall redheaded guy with glasses and expensive clothes who was here earlier. Remember? Your son.”  
“I have no son,” Jack hissed, still refusing to turn and look at her.  
“Oh, you always say that,” Susan said, waving one hand. “But it must be hard to say he doesn’t exist when he’s in the same room as you, though.”  
“I have no son,” Jack repeated, voice dropping to a snarl.

Feeling suddenly sick to her stomach of the same old poison, the same old vitriol, the same old Dad, Susan felt Eddie’s absence more than ever. Before, she had sadness and anger to take the place of longing; now that she had his voice fresh in her mind affirming his love for her, she finally felt the sucking vacuum of how _gone_ Eddie was.  
“I’ll be back to see you tomorrow, Dad,” she said, standing up and pulling herself together. “I hope you’re in a better mood by then.”  
“Leave then,” Jack’s voice was bitter and hateful. “Just like him.”  
Susan inhaled sharply. “You ungrateful…” she caught herself. “No. No. You’re not picking a fight with me like you do with Eddie.”  
Susan took a deep breath, making every effort to keep her voice level.  
“When I was a little girl… I loved him more than anything,” she said, softly but clearly. “He was special. And he was all mine because nobody else knew how special he was. Except me. I loved him more than Mom. I loved him more than you,” her voice cracked, and she took a breath to steady herself. “... and you drove him away.”  
There was a pause. Susan pulled her coat close, imagining it as Eddie’s arms again; like armour. Like she was borrowing a little of that strength he had to be himself in the face of violent opposition.  
“You always tried to change him, make him into whatever it was you wanted - but he was perfect the way he was. I don’t care what you think he did, what you think he is. I know who he is. I’ll never forgive you for driving him away.”  
Susan walked to the door, her heels clicking across the tile; she turned back to stare at the stubbornly prone figure on the bed and this time, her voice was barely audible in its sadness.  
“I think I’d be happier now if he had killed you all those years ago. At least then, I’d still have my Eddie.”  
With that, Susan turned on her heel and departed. Unheard to her, Jack began to weep, choking on his sobs with harsh gasps.

Susan drifted out of the room, staring at the ground as she took one slow step after another. Laura tracked her progress, concerned.  
“Is everything alright, Sue?”  
“Yeah,” Susan sighed. “Just full of regrets. Like usual.”  
Laura nodded sympathetically, reaching over the counter for a pen; as she did so, Susan caught sight of the green cloth tied about her wrist.  
“Where did you get that?” Susan said, pointing at it; she wasn’t even sure if she wanted the answer but felt compelled to ask.  
“Oh…” Laura looking at her wrist; a bloom of pink rose high in her cheeks. “Um. Edward… gave it to me.”  
“Leaving a mark,” Susan murmured; she stared at Laura’s wrist, then back up at Laura’s face. “Something _did_ happen,” she said, tone flat; Laura bit her lip, colour deepening with each passing moment. Susan pulled out the matching handkerchief from her purse to show Laura.  
“This… Edward gave to me,” she said, looking up to catch Laura’s eye. “For my tears.”  
There was an awkward pause.  
“Something tells me you didn’t get that for the same reason.”  
Laura shook her head, trying to look contrite and failing miserably.  
“Did you -” Susan’s voice fell to a hush, as if lowering her voice could lessen the situation. “Have some kind of… _tryst_ with my brother?”  
Laura nodded, the smile creeping back onto her face. Susan stared at her, stunned.  
“ _When?_ ”  
“Not long ago,” Laura toyed with her wrist, smiling. “Before he left.”  
“That explains why he was in such a good mood - he upset Pop and got to you, too.” Susan watched her. “You like him, don’t you?”  
“Hm?” Laura looked up.  
“My brother. You like him.”  
“Well, yeah,” Laura said, as if it were obvious. “He’s like no one else in the world.”  
“Huh. He did seem cheerful - is that how he was when he first got here?” Laura didn’t reply; Susan raised her voice. “Laura. How was he?”  
“Oh God, he blew my mind,” Laura gushed, not noticing Susan’s face. “You don’t think famous people are going to live up to their hype, but somehow Edward was better than I could have ever imagined. I still can’t believe it happened. To me, I mean.”  
“Ugh.” Susan winced and covered her eyes with one hand. “Not what I meant.”  
“Oops,” Laura giggled. “Forgot who I was talking to. Sorry.”  
“Good for him, I guess. Or you. Ugh. No, forget it. I can’t talk about that.”  
“Yeah,” Laura rubbed one arm, uncomfortable. “It doesn’t feel right talking about him with you. You’re his _sister_.”  
“There is one good thing,” Susan said dryly, “since we don’t look much alike.”  
“Well, your eyes are the same colour. Except his are…” Laura stared into the distance, her voice dreamy. “Hot.”  
“Like… attractive?” Susan said, puzzled.  
“Not quite,” Laura shook her head, curls flying. “I mean hot like fire is hot - like he’s trying to burn right down to the bottom of your soul.”  
Susan chuckled. “Yeah, I don’t have those.”  
“I know you don’t want to hear it…” Laura said, eyes sparkling, “but wow, is he something.”  
“Certainly makes his absence felt,” Susan replied, then sighed. “Look. My father is being… difficult, right now. My kids are at the babysitter's for another half hour - could you sit with me, awhile?”  
Then Laura smiled, her eyes softening with the compassion that Susan recognised from the nurse of yesterday and the day before.  
”Sure, Sue,” she grinned. “And, I promise not to ask you about Edward.”  
Susan laughed. “You can, if you want. I’d say our experiences differ pretty wildly.”  
“How about you tell me how your day is going, instead - let’s start there. Wait here, and I’ll get us some coffee.”

As Laura walked down the hall, Susan took a seat and rested her purse on her lap. Retrieving her wallet from its contents, she pulled the picture of her children out of the clear frame within; behind it, there was a picture of a young man, maybe seventeen years old. The sun had caught his russet hair so it shone, locks falling across his forehead and into his eyes. His head was tilted toward whoever was taking the picture with a laughing smile; you could almost hear him telling them to stop taking his picture, yet he posed nonetheless. A fresh sprinkling of freckles had appeared on his cheekbones the summer before, the result of a bad sunburn from when he had driven his little sister to the lake without permission. There was a fire in his green eyes, an innocence not yet stamped out by desperation and defeat. His round, Atticus Finch style glasses had been repaired several times; they were the only pair he had been allowed to have, like being able to see was a choice. There was nothing like fixing your glasses with only your hands to guide you to make you good at it, he had said; he could do it with his eyes shut, since it was the same as having them open. Susan’s heart swelled so suddenly with insurmountable loss she had to raise a hand to rub at her chest.  
“Oh, Eddie,” she whispered, everything falling to the floor as she clutched his green handkerchief to her face with both hands.  
Unbeknownst to her, Laura had reappeared. Without a word, she set the two cups down on the table and sat beside her; after a moment she proffered Susan a hand, which she took with a sob. Twenty years of repressed tears ran down Susan's face as Laura eventually took both her hands with hers, letting her cry; they sat together in silence with only the distant beep of a life support machine to disturb them.


End file.
